We grew up with serious respect for the penis. It had to stay covered all the time, and when you wanted to pee, you went to a corner and did your thing respectfully.
As we grew up, so the did the pants we wore. From the dross to Hings, the Packing pant with huge elastic bands and much later St Micheals and swimming trunks.
The type of pant you wore evolved with your age and how fast you were developing. During our teenage years when we started having sexual feelings from watching movies or thinking lewd thoughts and starting getting erections, which is the mark of a real man in the making, packing pants were needed to properly and respectfully keep the Penis in check. If you had an erection, it stayed very well hidden. Your business is your business. And for most of us old school folks, it’s still that way.
But with time, things are changing. The penis is no more getting it’s rightful respect, simply and safely tucked in between the legs of the owner. Now, young men say they need it to breath, who taught them that rubbish. They wear boxers’ so the penis and their balls can swing and be free. I think it’s very disgusting, but how can I tell them that. Every man has his own.
More indignities have also befallen the Almighty penis, the pride of our manhood. Women now make jest of it without respect; It’s size, shape and longevity is now subject of discussions in hair dressing salons, social media and at parties. In fact, a woman told me on good authority that after the regular gossips, the next talk is to discuss the penises of the men in their lives. Can you imagine?
Another also told me in strict confidence that sometimes when three women gather and they see men walking by, they start to guess, not the size of their bank balances, but their penises. That is how low they have dragged us. They even have theories that the size of a man’s foot, his height and weight all determines whether his penis will be big or small. Chai!
And we allow that? No way, it must stop.
An evening more disturbing and disgusting scenario is playing out all over our dear land, and you know Nigeria, when a fad starts from lagos, whether a good thing or a bad thing, copy cats will take over and replicate it many times over.
The issue now is the case of missing penises. It’s now as rampant as kidnapping. Growing up, I recall one or two cases of people saying somebody took their penis. But we were too small to dwell on it or discuss it at home. My dad, bless his soul, will give you a giant knock on the head for postering such stupidity,
‘ is that the book you should be reading, Stupid boy’ and the knock on your head will follow.
These days it has become so bad the case of missing penises is openly discussed while some will laugh.
It not uncommon to see videos of people claiming somebody took their penis. Usually, a mob will gather, beat the supposed culprit to stupor; Eyes bulging and blood shot with swollen lips, with a tooth or two missing and his clothes torn. People have found an avenue to vent their anger and frustrations. It is beat first and ask questions later, maybe even beg if the allegation is untrue. Utter madness, that’s what we have become.
In most of the videos, what saves the alleged culprit is the arrival of the police who wade in, stop the beating and start interrogation while the mob cheers and shouts threats. When the allegedly penis stealer is not saying what they want to hear, he gets a few more slaps or lashes of koboko, all on top the penis matter of another person. Can you imagine that?
Now, this is what really pisses me off. You will see grown men, may we not see bad thing ooh, pull down their trousers in public to point to their dicks. Some claim it has disappeared into thin air while others claim they can’t not feel anything there. Who is supposed to judge this matter? Where do penises disappear to and what is the use of a penis without the owner? Has the male penis become like that of a cow that people savor in stews and soups?
Where do lost penises go? Is there a place in the spirit world where they are kept with the ability to conjure them back to their owners on instruction? So many questions on this penis matter.
A friend told me a story last week, this happened in Abuja. She said a friend of hers almost lost his life because of this missing penis matter. She swears he is not a mischief maker, they were abroad together, family friends. She said he was walking on his own when somebody pointed at him as the person who stole his penis. No questions were asked, people gathered and slaps and blows and kicks started raining on him.
It was later found that the penis never left between the legs of it’s owner. It was a vendetta from somebody he had issues with.
Who pays for all the beating…the slaps and blows and public humiliation? Maybe an olofofo will take videos and photos and post on social media without recourse for a rejoinder.
Imagine this story in Daily Post where an evangelist with Winners Chapel was reported killed over a missing penis.
An unidentified member of the Living Faith Church, popularly known as Winners Chapel, was allegedly murdered on Friday by a group of mob at Adeyi Junction in One Man Village, Nasarawa State.
Eyewitnesses said the man was evangelising in the area when he was accused of stealing someone’s manhood.
The eyewitness said the man was already lynched before the arrival of security men, while his killers fled the scene.
“A living faith church member was killed yesterday while preaching at One Man Village by Adeyi Junction, Nasarawa State. He was accused of collecting someone’s manhood.
“Pray they don’t accuse you or any of your people wrongly.”
When contacted by DAILY POST, the Nasarawa State Police Public Relations Officer, DSP Ramhan Nansel, said he has not been briefed on the incident.
He simply said, “I am not aware, sir.”
Daily the cases of missing penises are mounting up, what worries me is that with each new case, the Almighty Penis is further de- mystified and we men really need to come together and do something about it. For our sakes….
Old men can not be subjected to bringing down their pants in public every day in search of disappeared penises. I also need to ask my senior police friend when next I see him under which section of the penal code they will charge people arrested for stealing a penis. You too can help me ask, If you are a man that is. Women have no business in this matter.
By Al Humphrey Onyanabo (The Story Teller)
Email; nigeria360online@gmail.com
Tel; +2347054674906
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